I had a sort of fairy tale idea of what this would be like. He would appear in my life and we’d lock eyes. His hand would intertwine with mine and my heart would melt. My life, would never be the same.
I imagined we would meet and immediately know. Finding each other would be like coming Home. We’d connect and well, the rest would be history.
I was about to become a Mom………………..And it wasn’t exactly how I imagined……
*********Sorry if you are reading simply because you thought there was something “juicy” in here!!!!!*******
Susie and I are currently playing a game that involves me sharing my wins as a mom, every, day. My wins only.
Come on, you can’t tell me I am the only Mom who dreams of airplanes, beaches, drinks with umbrellas, shit, a bath LMAO
I dream of waking up in my own time, I think people call that “sleeping in”…….I miss watching a movie that isn’t animated, and eating my own snack……Yes….there was a day when I came home and had “nothing to do”, I just can’t remember it.
Yet through it all, Ayden is my Perfect Man……This is so far, by far, my biggest win. I now see that he is the man, put here to reveal Love.
As much as I have resisted him, he looks at me with those big brown eyes and I am Home. I have landed, in the life’s purpose I am so terrified of. He is the perfect relationship for me. To practise what my life stands for.
Here is some of what he has taught me so far…………..in point form of course!
*Get over it. That’s right. Cause he already forgot he was a jerk a moment ago. Now, he “loves” you so much. Pretty much everything about having this little man has taught me this. Mostly, as humans, if we don’t “like” something, we don’t do it. With parenting, not so much. Get over it. Accept it all, cause it’s what’s happening.
*Breathe. Breathe. It’s a fantastic mantra. Use it often. Sometimes, not opening my mouth is the best choice I make. That moment between hearing something, and speaking, is golden. Who am I committed to being in this moment? And…..Breathe. Not like Kumbaya-cause that’s that rare mom who doesn’t wanna blow a gasket just getting into the car sometimes……just Breathe. This is super handy with adults as well 😉 I am much less reactive now.
*Be Authentic. Be you. In the end, that’s who they will remember. I am held to a whole new level of this through Ayden. If I don’t Love me, how can I teach him to Love himself? How will he know he is worthy? He holds me accountable to live a life I am proud of.
*You have Super Powers. I tell ya, I can hear and see things I couldn’t before! Mostly, I can endure a shit ton of shit that I couldn’t before. Like, zero sleep, food, water, yeah, pretty much anything. Cheers Mamas, you know we can run on Coffee LOL Ok but for you non-drinking Mamas, we run on Magic.Thank you Ayden, this is one of my most useful skills out there in my adult life.
*Forgive. Cause really, who cares what just happened, see #1. It’s hard to dislike a friend because they said something annoying when you listen to Barney all day. I find Mamas let things flow off their backs a little more. Cause, come on, in our lives, anything can happen at any time, right?!
*Moments matter. It’s not about anything but. I am really seeing how Ayden gets so little time with me, and I am creating a ton of stuff and can be caught up working. Then I’ll hear, “Did I tell you that you could be on your phone?”. Sure, you can judge me, and, it’s so great that he brings me back, to what matters. He doesn’t hold it against me, one day he may, but for now, I get to put it down and be present.
*You can Have it All. It exists. I’ve been resisting that I have it all. I do, for me, my dream life, and my Perfect Man. Sure, he may be 3ft tall, but every night he runs his fingers through my hair, snuggles in, breathes heavy. He whispers “I Love you. You’re the Best” and I am reminded. It’s THIS. This is having it all.
*Relationships mean everything. I couldn’t have this life without Roy and his commitment to Ayden, and me. He is the reason I get to live this incredible life, for sure. The rest is going unsaid, I have said it a thousand times. Community is everything. It takes a village, and I have one.
*LOVE. Period. This man wakes with a clean slate for me, every day. He sees nothing but Love. Moments of emotions and reactions happen. Then, quick as it disappeared, Love is re-present. I have been taking notes and watching his skills here. For me, as a Mama, I turn myself inside out. I don’t want to be in the way of my Love for this little man flowing freely. I find Love for myself, in all the scared places, the judgemental corners, where I am sure I am fucking it all up.
Then, I see his big brown eyes. They light up and he runs towards me. Ah, that moment, it’s Perfect. It’s Love. Its Ours.
Thank you Ayden, I Love You ❤