“A heart isn’t a bone, it can’t break” –Nancy Paine
I am blessed to have some of the most incredible people in my life. I know, you’ve read it 1000 times. And, I continue to deepen my connections with these extraordinary superheroes every day.
One of the things that is going on for me is the upcoming anniversary of my Ma’s passing, September 6th.
It’s been almost 4 years since Ma passed and every year gets a little easier. Grief is such a personal thing.
Over the next 6 days, I will be sharing portions of her last recorded words through Facebook.
Upon listening to the CD, I was stuck by the realization that Ma started The Love Army. I knew she stood for and was Love. I knew if you met her, you never forgot her. I didn’t remember her words being so Beautiful.
The recordings I will be releasing are all taken on September 2, 2011. This was 4 days before she passed.
My intention in sharing this with you all is for Ma’s message to be heard and to complete another chapter in grief for all of us who Love(d) her. She was a brilliant woman, a bright light and wise beyond words.
Growing up, she and I butt heads most of the time. We were too alike, strong willed women who wanted to get our way. It was not always fun and games, until it was, she loved games and was a shit ton of fun. Anyways, you get it.
When she got sick, we deepened the Soul parts of our relationship, we connected in ways I didn’t know existed. Pieces of me died along with her 4 years ago. I am also reflecting on all of the pieces I took away, built upon. The life I have created, in Honor of her Courage.
It’s never the same again, after you lose someone you Love. No one can ever get it. They think they can, but they can’t, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Our grief is that, Ours. No one else will ever be standing in our spot, feeling it, like we are. One of the last things Ma said to me was “No one will know what you are losing. They will never get it, because they were not with us. They don’t know. Forgive them, they can never know your loss”
Thank you for being so Courageous. For facing your death with such Grace, it left me with nothing to do but live in your Honor. Thank you for Loving Others as you did. It taught us to look deep within, because Love really is a force to be reckoned with Ma. I miss our laughter the most, till we cried or peed, no one knew which, or both! I miss the fun we had together, the spontaneous trips and the deep conversations along the way. The inside jokes, the instant look or song that would send us into a fit. Man, did we ever enJOY eachother, when we did, eh?! I promise to Love others, as you did. To be the change. To raise Ayden with your Glow. To look deep within to know my worth as a woman. I promise to Love and EnJOY your beautiful friends. I promise to stand for Sam having the life of his dreams. I promise to never give up on mine. Lastly, for today, I promise to Listen. Really Listen. To that inner voice. You. God. Me. Guidance. Forever. Thank you for your Faith. It makes things Possible, not Easy, right? You were such a Beacon, I am only discovering your Beauty now. You are like Art, Ma. Thank you.