So, I wrote this blog on my vacation. The whole thing. And then, it mysteriously didn’t save.
Funny life is, isn’t it? I write a blog on Gratitude and then, am faced with the upset of losing it all. We all know that one, right? There was smoke coming outta my head….. LOL
Such is life. I rewrote it. Better.
I really believe we are being asked to find Gratitude in life. For each moment of it, unconditionally.
Even when we wanna scream, cry and give up. The presence of Gratitude itself acknowledges Source, with a big Thank you. It connects us to our higher energy.
My life has been pretty “challenging” lately. Amongst it all, I find myself almost bursting with Gratitude. It’s been weird almost, I’m grateful for the tears and the fear, the unknown, the openness. The opportunity to grow.
Lately, I have seen that being Grateful amongst shitty circumstances can be perceived as pretending. Faking it.
Interesting isn’t it?
Don’t get me wrong, there was a time when the smile on my face hid the pain in my heart. At the end of the day I couldn’t wait to take it all off. I felt fraudulent. I would say things like “The real me” and always be referring to the crazy, sad, hair triggered, depressed, angry parts. The parts that unleashed when I thought no one was watching. You know, those ones. Like that part of us is “real” and the rest is a façade?!
Cue, my life, in a nutshell.
Growing up I was in your typical unworkable home. Abuse led to my parents split when I was 8 and from then we got accustomed to social workers, psych wards and poverty.
***Warning…..real life is mentioned below***
By 9 I was gaining weight rapidly and by 14 I was almost 220lbs. I hated myself. It began.
By 16 I had mastered bulimia and lost 100lbs. I would continue to master bulimia until my pregnancy at 28.
In my teens I added alcohol to my list of life passions. That didn’t go well. I attempted suicide multiple times by 20 and was deemed “mentally ill”.
Amongst this, I became an Insurance Broker at 21 and for 5 years I mastered the 9-5. I hated it. At 25 I was approved for long term disability due to my mental illness. Then, I did what everyone deemed crazy. I declined it, quit my job and moved to Mexico for 6 months where I took my personal training course correspondence.
At 26 I came back to Canada, began my training career, I loved it. Six months later, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I left my new career and moved to Victoria to take care of her.
At 28 I had Ayden and my mom passed away. Thankfully, it was then that I took the Landmark Forum. Had I not, this story may be drastically different.
So, today, at 32, I feel as though I have a life to be Grateful for. No matter what. Life isn’t always roses, by now, I get that to go with the flow is KEY.
Why would I share all of this with you?
Because we all come from our own version of this. We have all had challenges to overcome, it has only begun.
I have always wondered why we hide the struggle. If we all shared what we really deal with, it would free up another to have compassion for themselves. We would know we are not alone. Everyone has voices in their head, everyone. Everyone.
Mental illness is no longer even on my radar. It’s amazing to me how embracing myself, wholeheartedly has given me freedom. I’m not “normal” at all, and that’s totally totally okay with me!!!!
So, no matter what you’ve been through in your life, I invite you to let it all be. Forgive yourself and others. Begin to create your dreams.
I never thought that my life today was possible. Seriously. This was not what I or anyone else predicted for my life.
How could I not awaken every day with Gratitude that this moment is completely my creation? What more could I ask for?
Free yourself. No matter what your life story………………….you are beautiful, you are Love, you are worth it and you deserve it.