Sometimes, I just feel, Alone………..The Flip Side Part Deux

“If Love is Universal, no one can be left out” — Deepak Chopra

 
“I am in this alone”, “Better to be alone”, “Why am I alone”, “I am always alone”, “I feel so alone”, “I guess life is just, alone”, “I am happy alone”
Whatever your version of the “Alone” conversation you have, I am here to confess that we all have them.
 
One of the things I love is that I am so privy to peoples lives, I have the honor of being with so much vulnerability. It is one of the things I hold dearest, as many of you know. So, I am never referring to you, although I may be, I would never share your stories with anyone, ever.
I have heard from some of the most out-going social butterflies, the party queens, the hostess with-the-mostest, pretty much every type of woman (Men, I’d assert this is the same but my experience isn’t as dependable). Those women whom everyone assumes “loves the limelight” or “has so many friends”, you name it.
We all have the experience of being alone.
Of course we would.
Have you noticed that your world actually only belongs to you? Even those closest to you, have a whole world their own. No one else can EVER experience your life.
I came to my own rogue conclusion on this while losing my mom. She was sobbing to the doctor that she was terrified to die “alone”. Her concern was that none of us would be there. The doctor replied with words I will never forget “Sweetie, you are born into life alone, and you die alone. Your whole life is with yourSelf”
BAM….it hit me.
We are alone, in our human experience. Our bodies go through their days and our total experiences are never shared in full with anyone, couldn’t possibly be, they were living in their own life.
We ARE alone, but only in experiencing our life. There are so many other beautiful human beings out there living their life, who love coming to play in yours and vice versa.
Here’s what I have found.
We are all one Spirit. Our human bodies “alone” but never our Spirit.
One of my favorite things to study over the years was a combination of science, religion, spirituality and philosophy. What I see in them is that we are all vibrating energy therefore; we are all made of the same thing. Energy.
Finding our way back to belonging will only come, I believe, when we accept alone as a human condition and find our way back to Spirit, to Source. When we realize our lives are our movies. When we view ourselves as a part of this Source we are never alone.
Now, Do I get hooked with the alone conversation and have crazy breakdowns throwing things wondering why the hell I have to be so alone?! Hell yes. I am human. Its inevitable. I throw major temper tantrums, I complain, I wonder why me all the time…….We will never be without the thoughts. My mom used to say, don’t believe everything you think. She was so smart.
I want to leave you with the homework to go out and find where your Spirit belongs. Not like a church. A place where you experience Love, for you. Then, do that/go there often. Love is in the practise, the giving to you. Only then can we have it to give. And that one, is no cliche.
You are alone. And yet, you are part of something infinite. You ARE Love.
CUE THREE DAYS LATER……….after I wrote the above blog……..
New Years Eve.
At midnight, I was alone. Well, Ayden was with me. But, I was alone.
Have I ever mentioned how quickly we can resort to believing old stories??!!
It’s 12:01 and all I can hear is the voice in my head BLARING at me………”SEE, SEE, I WIN. YOU SUCK. IF PEOPLE ONLY KNEW. HAHAHA”
Now, let me tell you. I don’t care how much of this work I do, the thoughts are there, BAM, ready to be evidenced. And Man, do I ever have it. I mean, I was alone, on New Years. Everyone gone home (ps, to those who went home, this has NOTHING to do with you) and the “truth” of my alone-ness was illuminated.
This, my friends, is LIFE. We all have voices in our heads. Many many many thoughts show up, conversations run amuk in our heads, ideas sprout up, judgement about everything and everyone……you name it. Our whole entire worlds exist in our heads. Crazy isn’t it?!
Back to the story, I go to sleep and January 1 my life goes as it normally does. Nothing new.
Then, January 2. I get up and go to the gym early, a great start to the day I know, although I freaking hate mornings and often bail. Yep, Bail. Nope, its cold and early. Mmmmm….sleeeeeppp!!! After the gym I come home, clean my house and get ready for the day. Then, my friend Kyla Plaxton randomly shows up at my place.
Now, what you need to know if you don’t know Kyla is that she’s a powerhouse, one of my besties and totally and utterly someone I love being with. She just randomly “thought” it would be a great idea to check in on me. Great! Wonder why?!
Then, she asks how New Years was…………….Cue Tears. Anger. Upset. Resentment. Alone. Afraid. All of it. Flooding into her space. All I can think is “Holy crap, all that was just on the edge and I didn’t see it”. She gives me an accupressure treatment as I word vomit my life’s story about being alone, it’s all on me, up to me…..for those who know me….this ain’t new.
What I got for myself that I had never seen and am taking into action this year is that it’s time to stop whipping myself. Do more, work harder. I love what I do and yet I have been a constant doing machine getting very little DONE, while being too busy to really delve into my projects.
Kyla inspired me to take on less. Focus on what matters. Give myself more space. Nothing ever changes on the outside of us, you know. Like I don’t look any different AND I feel new. New freedom to declare what I am and am not going to do and then to focus in and do it.
Really though, what Kyla continuously teaches me in Unconditional Love. This is LIFE. We are human. Its gonna be messy, we’re gonna cry, fail, win, sweat and fuck it all up. Isn’t the best thing in life knowing someone loves you, all of you, messy and not? It is for me. I didn’t actually believe it existed until this morning. Gratitude to all of my friends who have always loved me this way and were waiting for me to let it in.
Yeah, we’re physically alone. That point can be evidenced at any moment. Yet, our Spirits are connected. We are all One.
Thank you Kyla. I am forever Grateful for your Grace and willingness to fall flat and get back up, and sprint back at it. Love.
 
January 17, I am hosting a womens only dinner and FUN event called Super-Women Unplugged. Elizabeth MacLoed of www.wildwomenenchanted.com will be here and kicking off the evening chatting with me on Spiritual, Inspired women and how to unleash our own Wild. 
 
Tickets can be purchased online at EventBrite or through me. I would Love to have you come Play with us, for no other reason than fun and fellowship. Open to all! 
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