Some may have noticed there’s been WAY less me on Facebook. For those that did, thanks 😉 No probs for the rest of you tho!
There has been many times in life where I’ve experienced what I now call, breakdowns. (Some may call this state depression)
My 20’s were full of it. I was approved for long term disability at 25. I declined. I could tell stories, for right now, I won’t.
Last month I experienced a 10 day, visceral experience of breakdown, the first this intense in over 10 years. I was crying, all the time, for no reason, for any reason. Crying. Ayden was yelling at me, cheques were bouncing when money was in my acct, the hurricane hit Cabo, it was not fun, to say the least. I had no idea what was going on, I was an alien in a body of emotions, coming out at a rate I hadn’t experienced in years. Everything seemed to be falling apart. Friends were no longer. It sucked. Huge!
In the thick of it I remember thinking, the only thing saving me right now is that I KNOW now that all big breakdowns lead to……Yep……big breakthroughs. Don’t get me wrong, all the other thoughts swirling in my head were loud as hell and it was everything I could do to not go where I now call “the second location”; those who watch Oprah get this. The second location is where the kidnapper takes you, where you’re in big trouble. My mind was attempting a kidnapping and I was not going without a fight. Seclusion and secrecy, don’t go there, second location. Do all I know to do, reach out to those who I know can handle that I’m a sobbing mess, will NEVER freak out or judge, and who will not let me A) Stay in this state long B) Miss the message in it.
I kept moving, never allowing seclusion to win, always sharing that I was super emotional, sometimes crying with people and then returning home to fall apart, take a bath, talk to a friend and play (and watch movies) with Ayden. The show must go on, the rain will pass……I really wondered this time. Thankfully, as it always does, though it always seems to surprise me a bit when it does, it passed. I awoke, emerged.
Now, many many new opportunities are opening up! I am digging in, getting curious again, I forget this one and get a little ignorant, for those who really know me, you’ll love this, cause you know it 😉
I have met and reconnected with some fantabulous people. Some are even kind of celebrities! The future is opening up. Big time. Ahhhh! I always giggle a bit at how scared I am of having the life I truly want…LOL
I am adding some previously missing elements to my game of life. Structure, focus and follow through are top on my list. I have a fabulous new coach, Shawn Bearman in Vancouver, who is totally setting me up to handle this next level of business!!! Thank you Shawn. I’m super honored to be be supporting as her coach in her weight loss journey!! It’s on with the two of us together!
OK, see, we never know what is possible until we try. To try means possible failure. To succeed we must first fail. We avoid failure and fear success. We can’t win, it’s paralyzing.
In talking to so many people the last few months, instead of being addicted to my Facebook status, I’ve heard story after story about failure and success. It appears the key to success is……how many times can you fail, not quit and are you prepared for and believing in the success you actually want? Am I ready to handle a six figure income, how about international clients? Hahaha, I am also reminded that we create our life. So, I’m getting prepared for an overflow of business in 2015! I’ll be ready for all of that!
So, this is where I’ve been the last month. Inward. Finding the courage to continue to fail. Be seen. Be judged. It’s scary to live a life out loud, I must be willing to experience all of this, over and over, and persevere. Good thing I am!
Here’s what I’m up to for those I haven’t reconnected with yet!
*Coaching the Self Expression and Leadership Program. I am creating parties/communion for women, called Superwoman Unplugged as my community project. This will be an evening of goodness with no technology or business allowed. Only fun and community. (This program is with Landmark for those who don’t know!)
*Zija and all the personal development it brings (whew, structures!), I LOVE it. I love pushing my boundaries, continuously, for a GREAT cause: health. I also understand that in all business someone makes money, and I’d prefer it to be me and not a big box store. Why not support local?!
*Working, and…..a job. Yep. Jobs. LOL. I’ve been taking on some fun “jobs” to put integrity into my finances, aka, to make sure I can pay my bills! Pimpin ain’t easy! LMAO, not sure why that wants in but hey! I work my tail off and I create 100% of my income, hourly, daily, if I’m lucky, weekly. I’m an entrepreneur. For realz! Working has been fun and it inspires my next blog on gossip, to now be written tomorrow, it’s after midnight.
*Turning my content into an e-course. This one is gonna be transformational. For me, for anyone who invests in it. I can’t wait. My passion really lies in healthy relationships to our selves and our bodies. Again, I could go on and I won’t. This one is gonna be great, in so many ways. I’m so grateful for Amber who always comes along right when I need her skills! Thanks girl.
*Facilitating my 12 week Body EnJOYment (Trinity MacRae I totally stole that from you, brilliant woman) and nourishment program. This one lights me up and scares me the most cause it’s kinda my baby. This is what the e-course will provide. This content in an at home, self directed version. International clients, here I come!
Let’s not forget the obvious! I’m a mom, wife, housecleaner/launderer and friend who always has a schedule of calls and clients. I took on training in the AM, training myself that is! I haven’t worked out intentionally in a long time LOL Bri, the secret is out! I still dislike mornings, another well kept secret. I don’t care, my body is the only body I’ll ever have, winter, for me, equals gym.
Now. Let me say here, I am never ever glorifying the “busy and exhausted” person. I do what lights me up.
In summary, lol, life has ups and downs and all arounds. There’s nothing wrong with you. We feel terrible and wonderful, sometimes all in one hour. It’s life. We all experience it.
If you’re still reading, WOW, thank you! Let me leave you with this;
you make a huge difference in the world, right now, no matter what, you are awesome. You may never stop being afraid of failure and judgement, at least, I haven’t found that yet. It’s about continuing on, not going to the second location and living a life YOU love. YOU. No matter what. Then give that away so others may love theirs.
Thank you. Namaste.